Stop enabling Yourself!
Let's take a moment to breathe, inhale growth, exhale the shit that's holding us back!
This blog post is more personal than my last few. Just because I need to release some things and my spirit guided me to write how I feel in this Blog.
But before we dive in I want to start a little tradition where I highlight a specific herb for each blog moving forward that reflections the intentions.
So the herb Lavender will be the featured herb for this post. Lavender also known as “Elf Leaf” magically purposes are for Love drawing; purification; protection; induces sleep, rest, and peace. And its medicinal purposes are Known to ease anxiety, insomnia, and depression.
Girl, What’s Tea?
I have a confession to make, one that I'm sure a lot of us can relate to. I have been enabling myself by holding on to this toxic relationship I have with this version of me I named Lisa. A alter ego in a way. I am an only child she was my imaginary friend. Lisa and I have been like homegirls since I was like 6. Lisa appeared whenever I got into trouble or did something I had no business doing whenever I was with my mom. Whenever I was being scolded I told my mommy that I didn't do it Lisa did. And ever since Lisa has been the cause of all my bullshit. Anytime I would fight, yell, steal, argue, and lie it wasn’t me ImaniNia it was Lisa.
As my 24th birthday is coming I can no longer blame Lisa for my misbehaving and immature ways. Lisa has protected me for so long. But the direction I am growing towards conflicts with who Lisa is.
The Hard Part
I find myself in cycles sometimes. Recognizing the cause and effect of my actions. And being able to identify where I had myself, fucked up! Now as a highly wise and intuitive person, I am extremely self-aware. But what good is that when you know the problem and you do nothing to change it?
Lisa and I relationship was healthy when I was comfortable being in survival mode. But as I continue to shift, I see more alignment with living. I now accept I have to let Lisa go. I give myself grace because until today I didn’t know Lisa was the problem. I thought it was just a few bad habits I had to purge here and there. But to be completely honest that was extremely hard for me. Because I can see what needs to be removed and how to remove it. But I struggle with following through with removing that bad habit. In other words, I struggle with being consistent with my healing journey.
Starting over and over so many times and having a third-party view of your problems and how to fix them will drive someone in my predicament insane!!! I didn’t know then that I wasn’t able to let go of those habits because I wasn’t able to let go of Lisa. Lisa was still there showing up in all those habits aiding me in showing up but also keeping me cozy when things would get too hard. So in a way, I have been enabling myself.
My Process
My diagnosis of ADHD helped in understand my process. But I take responsibility for using my supper power as a crutch when I don't want to face my emotions.
Now, my process has been finding peace with the new woman I am becoming. Peace means to me to accept where I am right now. And accepting how I show up, trusting that I did my best. In other words, doing what I need to do that makes myself and Lisa very uncomfortable. Yes, uncomfortable! Y’all I am stubborn as hell most of the things I don’t like doing are good for me. Like having uncomfortable conversations and talking about my feelings when I am emotional. Finding peace also means listening to my body and spirit EVERY TIME she speaks. Because chile, our spirit always warns us before we do something we have no business doing. That is what I call self-love!
Lastly, make something Shake! Taking control and an initiative in my love for the things that I want. And standing on my shit. Because it is a form of self harm to constantly lie to myself and say I don’t want something but not doing anything to prevent that said thing from happening. So let this be a sign to remove ourselves from those tired ass jobs, cut that mfr off, or stop watching shit that feeds our soul garbage. We got this baby, because if we keep saying we want better but not using our Asé to get better all we are doing is hurting ourselves.
* I don’t own copyright to these photos*
Journal Prompts
I hope this was helpful to you on your journey please leave like and comments below.
Here are some lovely Journal Prompts you can use to reflect on what was discussed above.
In this chapter in my life what do I feel is holding me back? Or I have outgrown?
Is what I'm holding on to also holding on to me? Answer honestly.
Why am I still holding on? Does it truly feel good or is it just familiar?
How can I show up for myself in this process?
